Self Reflection Gone Awry
I never thought that I would actually be making a post like this but I suppose this is something which I can say might help me with something we’re all going to confront in order to come to terms with or are trying to come to terms with it now. And this is something everyone goes through, and some embrace the idea of getting older and some are shy from it.
I am definitely in the latter group. When I created this DeviantArt account, I was around maybe fifteen to sixteen years old. As of January 18th.. I will be turning thirty four years old. The tail end of my early thirties and the beginning of my mid thirties.
I am not going to lie when I say this but I dread getting older. Why? Because I really didn't grow up per se. I still enjoy reading comic books and watching movies, I still love video games, I do enjoy Martial Arts and I still enjoy roleplaying. I don't believe there's an age requirement which says I have to stop enjoying these things but... there's this lingering feeling like I am no longer part of that demographic those things were aimed for.
I am driving myself crazy, Googling for answers to questions like "Is thirty considered old?" or "What age do gray hairs appear?" and I am having a hard time coping. I find myself looking in the mirror and comparing myself to how I was five, six, ten years ago and looking for noticeable changes. And they're quite a few.
Also, there's this sense of feeling that nothing was accomplished. If you're a millennial like me, then you know how difficult it was to find a job. Maybe it still is. I didn't exactly get a steady job until I was twenty six, working for Toys R Us but I made no money at that job from the second to third year. It wasn't until I got my job at Jo-Ann's that I started to make money in an effort to have enough funds to make a life for myself. But... working retail doesn't exactly pay what a person needs to survive on account that it's primarily part time, and only managers and supervisors work full time. And I had to scrounge up my paychecks as well as whatever stimulus packages just to a five digit number to put in the bank.
And then there's family.
I feel like I should have established my own family years ago. I see all my friends from childhood that already have kids who are either very little or are just entertaining into high school. I don't have that and... I want a family of my own but I haven't had a significant other since I was nineteen and chose to stay single. There have been attempts to start a relationship but ultimately went nowhere. I feel as I get older, I become increasingly unworthy. That no one will want me and I won't have any family of my own.
And then there's the immediate family I have, the only remaining family I have left being my mother as my father bailed out of our lives when I was thirteen because he started another family with another woman behind my Mom's back. Then there's my Mom's side of the family who more or less we are disconnected from. I won't get into that story...
Point is my Mom is the only family I have left. And just recently I noticed age spots on her hands. And that hurt me as her son because it's a reminder that she had at the most, if she's lucky, another thirty years in her left. And whatever remaining youthfulness she has is fading... She's in her 60's but looks as if she can pass for her mid to late 40's. But... seeing her getting older hurts because I know she's not going to be around forever.
And we get to the finality of it.
Death.
I see aging as getting closer to that inevitable and unpleasant end that we've all got to come to terms with. I am terrified. Why? Well... the issue with that is I don't know if there's anything after. I like existing, I like being who I am. I would hate to know and realize that after the body dies, there's nothing. We just cease to be. That there's nothing but blackness. That there's no afterlife. That there's no comfort of continuing in a higher plane where all our friends and family are waiting for us. That absolutely TERRIFIES me.
I've become a bit frustrated with this and often recall on things like Ghost Hunters where people record EVPs and footage of the paranormal or Celebrity Ghost Stories where celebrities often recall their own experiences with spirits and ghosts. I also recall documentations of reincarnation, on how there was a little boy named Ryan Hammons who claimed that he had the memories of Marty Martin, a Hollywood actor and extra and was mostly spot on with the details of this individual whom he claimed had the memories of. Now, whether or not the afterlife, ghosts or reincarnation are things which exist and is real... I don’t know, but I absolutely would hate it if there was nothing to us when our physical selves die.
I’ve also been thinking about the concept of immortality, and while I know it’s biologically impossible for human beings-- I often ask myself if living forever is a blessing or a curse, and to my surprise a lot of people tell me that they don’t want to live forever. I would only accept Immortality if it was under the Highlander rules because at least there would be a way out, even if it is gruesome.
I’ve rambled enough. I’ve been meaning to put this up for a long time, and I think this has been in my drafts for a few months to maybe even a year because I wanted to put my thoughts in order and down somewhere.
I suppose... I’m upset and angry that this is the way things HAVE to be. I love existing, I love being alive and young... These changes I face just terrify me, I suppose.
The End of an Era
For over thirty years, Dark Horse comics has worked in collaboration with Twentieth Century Fox in building the world which Ridley Scott, James Cameron and John McTiernan have introduced to us known as the Alien-Predator series. In 1989, Dark Horse had effectively created a shared universe in the medium of comics known as Aliens vs. Predator with artist Phil Norwood and writer Randy Stradley helming the storyline. Through out the late eighties and the nineties, up to the millennium and recent years, Dark Horse has built a beautiful, dark and primal world where humanity was caught in the struggle between an alien life form bent on survival, and a warrior race which sought to hunt nothing but the most dangerous of prey.
As with all good things, there is an end... I am saddened to say that Dark Horse comics will no longer be creating and publishing new Alien and Predator stories. The company has lost the liscense to none other than one of the big two in comics, and that company being none other than the House of Ideas, Marvel Comics.
I suppose this is something which we might have seen coming a hundred miles away with the purchase of Twentieth Century Fox by the mega-company that is Disney sometime around in late 2018, and with Disney having acquired mega franchises such as Star Wars and Marvel, I suppose this was bound to happen. I cannot say that I am not at all too pleased with this decision by Disney-Fox, but I suppose from a business standpoint, it's much easier to have an in-house company publish the Alien and Predator series, rather than have an outside company retain the license.
As of July 2nd, 2020... Artist David Finch had released two teaser images with the announcement that Marvel has acquired the liscensing rights to create comics for the Alien and Predator franchises with new stories set for 2021. The images showcase the Big Chap Xenomorph from the original 1979 Ridley Scott classic, ALIEN, on board what might be the Milano and even has a cassette player, hinting to character Star-Lord aka Peter Quill. The second by Finch, showcases Ghost Predator, otherwise more well known as the City Hunter, standing up top the Avengers Tower with the decapitated head of Tony Stark, otherwise known as Iron Man, or rather the head of an unmanned Iron Man drone.
With the exchange of hands of the franchise from one publisher to another, the future remains uncertain for the comics medium of Aliens vs. Predator. Does this mean that the original Dark Horse stories are now decanonized and that Marvel will forge a new expanded universe canon similarly to how Star Wars EU comics were decanonized and Marvel was tasked with creating a new canon? Will we see crossovers with Marvel and Alien-Predator?
Only time will tell...
You can read the article over at: https://www.ign.com/articles/alien-predator-marvel-comics-xenomorph-iron-man-avengers
What are your thoughts on the sudden change of publishers and story tellers for Alien-Predator? Are you optimistic or are you fearing what current Marvel will do considering the political stances they've taken in their stories?
Rambo: Last Blood - A Review
As a child who was born in the late 80′s, and grew up through out the 90′s and the early 2000′s, I can proudly say that I was one who had grown up with Action Heroes like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Sigourney Weaver, and of course Sylvester Stallone. I wasn’t introduced to Stallone until maybe I watched him in Rambo: First Blood Part Two, when I was maybe four or five years old. Yes, my parents let me watch some R rated movies growing up… Let that sink in for a moment.
I knew who Rambo was but I didn’t know who the actor was playing him until I was introduced to the character of Rocky Balboa, and noticed that Rambo and Rocky looked alike– and figured out that they were portrayed by actor Sylvester Stallone. Since then, I’ve grown to love the two characters whom Stallone has portrayed as I tend to see the two as two sides of the same coin. Rocky Balboa being the kindly, good nature if not rough spoken pugilist and John Rambo, as being a darker, angrier and sullen war hero who has witnessed how black people’s hearts can truly be in the worsts of times.
I grew up with some very masculine heroes, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. As the years went on with the 90′s passing by and the 2000s having just finished, I’ve noticed that more and more the Action Hero has disappeared. At least… until 2008 with the release of RAMBO, alternatively known as Rambo IV. And for many years, it looked like as if this was the book end to the Rambo franchise. Gone would be the likes of Schwarzenegger and Stallone, and in would be the cinematic age of rich people wearing lavish clothing and fine suits, colorful superheroes who share a cinematic universe, destined children who are meant to save the world… There was no longer any room for the Action Hero.
And then Sylvester Stallone returns to the silver screen with Rambo: Last Blood, which very well might be the definitive end to the Rambo movie franchise. To say that it is the Logan of the series, might be a little generous but it feels like a send off to the character of John Rambo.
I was expecting Rambo to actually be as he was in Rambo IV, all stoic, apathetic and even hardened but surprisingly… in the first act of the movie, he almost comes off as Rocky Balboa– he’s actually a friendlier character, he’s actually got something to live for, something actually good in his life to remind him that the world isn’t a battlefield anymore. Something to remind him that he’s home, he can leave Vietnam behind. And that’s in the form of his adoptive niece, Gabriela, played by Yvette Monreal.
The movie most certainly kicks off in the second act, when Gabriela is informed of the whereabouts of her father, who had left her and her mother when she was dying of cancer, and was revealed to be a scumbag– and this is where it hits something which resonates with me personally, as the character of Gabriela and I have something in common– our fathers abandoned us. And we’re both asking why they left us… I never got my answer from my father, but Gabriela does, and it is an honest but brutally soul crushing answer…
And upon getting her answer, she confides in a friend… who sells her out to a Mexican sex-trafficking ring. This is where the movie kicks off… Right in the second act.
As the movie progresses, we see Rambo losing his grip on the rage which he has kept bottled inside. He’s even mentioned it that he’s been keeping a lid on these pent up emotions for years, and likely has been taking medication for his PTSD. When Rambo’s adoptive niece is the hands of some vile, evil people… This is where we see him reverting back to who he was in the previous four Rambo movies.
However, Rambo is not at all portrayed as this nigh unstoppable killing machine anymore. His age has made sure of that, and upon confronting the two leaders of the Mexican human trafficking ring, he’s nearly beaten to death and needs days to heal from the beating which he endured to an inch of his life. Even sustaining a concussion. However, he is taken in by a Mexican journalist named Carmen Delgado, and the two share a common enemy in the Martinez brothers.
And as soon as Rambo recovers… He sets out on his self-imposed mission again, and finds his adoptive niece in critical condition… It’s here where the character is pushed to his very limit, realizing that the one good thing in his life has been taken from him…
And it’s here that Rambo decides to take his revenge…
And quite honestly… It’s GLORIOUS.
While the violence in the movie is most certainly brutal, it’s surpassed only by the violence in Rambo IV, if only for the body count and the stock war footage of real people getting actually killed in the conflicts in Thailand. None the less, John Rambo pulls off some very scary things with how he deals with the members of the sex trafficking ring… especially with his bare hands, even at his advanced age. And when he utilizes his old training and tactics from the Vietnam War, still shows us that he’s quite effective at what he can do.
What I really liked most about the movie is the paternal depiction of the character of John Rambo– he’s actually a father figure, despite being an adoptive uncle to Gabriela. Even Gabriela’s aunt, who gets into an argument with the girl about seeing her father, tells Gabriela that John he is more of a father to her than her biological father is. And Rambo tells Gabriela, that a man like her biological father, really don’t feel anything and don’t care for anyone– and that sometimes, the world can be an extremely dangerous place with very evil people who live in it.
And he went out of his way, above and beyond to rescue this girl… The only good, innocent thing in his life which was a positive influence to him. Because to him, she was like a daughter to him.
Now… I have been hearing that critics have been lambasting this film– claiming ridiculous things that it’s a racist and misogynistic movie. The only thing misogynistic of the movie were the villains in the Mexican sex trafficking ring. Why? Because that’s what REAL sex traffickers do… I’ve seen some documentaries on what sex traffickers do and when you see these villains treat the women that they do, you want them to get their just deserts…
And you know what… Rambo gives their just deserts to them… Brutally and gloriously. Especially with how he kills off the two leaders in the movie.
As for the racism which the critics say are prevalent in this movie… As a Latino male, I saw no such racism in this movie.
And calling John Rambo a white savior? Believe it or not, John Rambo is a PoC… Yup, John Rambo is a person of color. Let me explain… In Rambo: First Blood Part II, it was mentioned that Rambo is of Navajo-German descent. Rambo is half Native American. He’s Navajo. And the novelizations of the movies explain how he became so proficient with the bow and arrow as he trained with Navajo elders.
So, the movie is racist because Rambo is killing Mexicans? No, he isn’t just killing Mexicans… He’s killing people who happen to be Mexican that are doing things such as kidnapping, drug dealing, and raping women. He’s killing bad people who happen to be Mexican. He’s also in Mexico… Keep that in mind.
But the movie does have positive Mexican characters in the movie, like Gabriela herself, Gabriela’s aunt, Maria– and of course Carmen Delgado, and the Mexican doctor who had patched Rambo up.
The claims made by these critics are unfair and even ridiculous. And some even say that the movie is a Slasher flick… They went to see a Rambo movie, and apparently, they were expecting something else. I don’t even think that they’ve even seen the previous entries of the series. And it doesn’t help that they’re seeing the movie with a politically infused lens, where the movie has no political message or tone to it whatsoever.
I really feel like in this day and age, the Action Hero from the 80′s and 90′s no longer has a place in cinema or even the realm of fiction over all. Everything has to be sanitized, everything has to be mindful of whatever sensitivities are out there. And this seriously is a detriment to entertainment and pop culture…
And it’s not just Rambo: Last Blood suffering from this, but IT: Chapter Two as well with the character of Pennywise coming under fire for having killed Adrian Mello, an LGBT character. And Pennywise is supposed to be an evil monster that devours, men, women and especially children– regardless of whatever sexual orientation they have.
None the less, I actually enjoyed Rambo: Last Blood. While it’s most certainly not the best in the entry, as I feel that honor would go to either First Blood or Rambo: First Blood Part II, it’s definitely a good finale to the series.
I would rate the movie an A ranking…Things Might Be Looking Up!
My Thoughts on MLP: FiM Ending
Personally… I think that it sucks and we’re struck with god knows how much of an endless supply we have of Nickelodeon’s Spongebob. Look, I am going to admit something which I probably have mentioned here in the past or not.. but I actually am something of a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and well… I’m actually saddened to see that 2019 is going to be the year that it’s ending and maybe we will be seeing the untitled Generation 5 My Little Pony within the next coming years.
Unfortunately, I feel like I have rejoined the herd so to speak a little bit too late because I realized once more how much of an impact the Ponies have had on people was an immensely positive one, quite a lot like Steven Universe and sure, the Bronies have become something of an object of mockery and cringe, I think that a lot of them meant well from the lessons the show and the characters introduced.
I became a fan of the show back in 2011 when I was introduced to it by a friend of mine, and for a while I followed it up until maybe.. 2012. I had an argument with the same friend of mine and eventually dropped Ponies because they reminded me of this friend whom… I felt hurt by and formed a rift from. We eventually made amends a year later because our friendship was still strong.
I hadn’t gotten back into My Little Pony in a while… Long time really. I had completely forgotten about it. Then 2014 had hit and it hit me pretty hard when me and my mother had become homeless, and we had to put everything into storage. I went months without television, internet and whatever luxuries I had. Most of my life at that time was spent traveling from motel to motel, trying to find work, jumping from relatives homes to relatives homes.
2015 was the year of the comeback for me and I landed a job at Toys R Us, and I worked the Boys and Girls section. So, I got to see my share of a lot of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic toys… By then… I really didn’t care as much because I hadn’t watched the show, and still didn’t because I was too busy in trying to reclaim my life that I lost in 2014. But I got to see a lot of the merchandise we sold. Looking back on it, it was kind of nice but… working at Toys R Us, you see these things a lot and become desensitized to it.
Now the series is ending, and I’m re-discovering it a little too late. And I regret that. I sincerely, whole heartedly regret that because of a stupid argument with a friend I had that I let affect the show for me… and real life getting in the way of things. Not to mention it didn’t help that my cable company dropped the station the show was hosted on from the package plan I had. So… I couldn’t and STILL can’t watch the show if I wanted.
I feel regret and emptiness… I find myself often going to retail stores and flying to the pink aisles to see if they still have My Little Pony merchandise. Like TMNT 2012 merchandise, and Toys R Us going out of business… The merchandise is flying off the shelves because Hasbro has to get rid of it to make room for the upcoming G5 My Little Pony series. And it’s depressing…
All good things come to an end… Every journey has it’s ending. It was inevitable… Just it will be for Spongebob to end eventually, and the Simpsons to end. I just wished… it had been a longer run.
Sure, we’re getting the Mane Six back in G5 apparently but… they won’t be the same ponies from Friendship is Magic. They won’t even have the same voice actresses even. The redesigns… I’m mixed about.
I suppose if the series is on re-runs, I can watch the entire season like I did with Highlander: The Series back in 2001 to 2005 when it used to air on Spike TV, long after the series ended in 1998. And then there are the DVDs… I just hope that Hasbro eventually releases the series on a full box-set and continues Friendship is Magic through the IDW comics.
As for the Friendship is Magic G4 fandom… I hope it remains alive and kicking, and the fans produce art and music for that specific series.